Dear Violet

slowing down, showing up, sharing it all.

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  • 5 Things You Need for Your Desk

    We sit at our desk for the majority of our days, so why not make the most of it. Below are the five things that you NEED for your desk, whether it’s at home or in an office. They will amplify your work space and (hopefully) increase your productivity.

    A Personal Notebook

    I’m sure a lot of you have piles of papers, note pads, notebooks, etc. on your desk. Maybe they are stuffed in a drawer by your desk. Maybe they are on the floor next to your desk. All one in the same. The papers and note pads are necessary for your work/professional notes, but when it’s about 3:00 pm and you’re starting to lose it, you begin jotting down a grocery list on your note pad. Then the next day, you can’t find your grocery list anywhere because it’s stuffed down in a pile of papers on your desk. Yeah… I’ve been there too.

    Keeping a personal notebook on your desk will benefit you for a couple reasons. One, it allows you to write down lists or ideas in an organized fashion while you’re working (because they are all in the same notebook and not floating around on random sheets of invoices). Second, it puts something personal on your desk. It sounds so simple, but it really does make a difference. It gives you that subtle connection to your life outside of work that will help your mind stay focused on the bigger picture. It’s important that it’s not just a photo of your family or your favorite pen. A notebook is more personal – especially when you start to fill the pages. For bonus points, get a notebook that you love. If you love a 5-star college-ruled spiral notebook from Office Max, you do you. Mine will be covered in pretty colors and flowers.

    My favorite right now is the Day Designer Planner made by Blue Sky because I can use it both as a planner and a personal notebook. Check it out here: https://amzn.to/4mpUlkY.

    A Charger Stand

    It might be one of my biggest pet peeves when I’m sitting at my desk and (a) I can’t find my phone, or (b) my phone needs to charge but the chord is under the desk and doesn’t reach far enough so that the phone can sit on my desk (or I don’t even have a spare outlet to plug a charger into… my desk is a full lot). This charging stand has changed that for me. My favorite part about it is that my phone is propped up so I can see when I get a notification. That way, I am not constantly clicking on my screen or turning my phone over to see if anyone has contacted me. Thinking about whether I have notifications unnecessarily takes up a lot of focus when I’m working. This eliminates that. I know it can be distracting sometimes seeing all of the notifications light up your phone, but when that happens to me, I just throw my phone on a focus mode until I’m ready to connect with the online world again. (P.S. Do Not Disturb is my best friend.)

    The one I have been using also has a space to charge my Apple Watch and my Airpods. All of my electronics charging in one place? That’s like organization perfection. Check it out here: https://amzn.to/4p1auiz.

    Working Highlighters

    Hear me out on this one… how many highlighters, markers, or pens could you find in your work space right now that don’t even work? Probably a lot. Time to test your supplies, throw out the ones that don’t work, donate any you don’t need, and restock with what you will use. You might be thinking right now that you don’t need to do this because you won’t use highlighters anyway… but you will! When you have working ones! Not only is it convenient to have highlighters that actually work on your desk, it is also important to have office supplies and to keep them organized. Why? Because having an organized area that looks like a workspace (symbolized by highlighters and other supplies) will make you feel more prepared when you sit down at your desk. It triggers something in your brain that flips on work mode. But it’s not a chaotic work mode. It is relaxed, prepared, and ready to highlight! (Joking, but serious.)

    The best highlighters are ones that don’t run, smudge, or bleed through. After many attempts, I have found that these Sharpie pens past the test: https://amzn.to/4mx8MUs.

    Post-It Notes

    I know it’s simple. I know it’s self-explanatory. But they are a necessity.

    Sometimes, you need the extra reminder to call someone back or schedule that meeting or even attend a meeting for that matter. A post-it note is quick and easy for you to write the little reminder and stick it on your wall or computer screen. There is no forgetting. There is no question. The post-it is there.

    Also, I like to use post-it notes around my work space for little affirmations. I have had one up for years now that reads “You will pass the bar.” It’s pretty cheesy, but I like it. Like I said earlier with the personal notebook, it keeps me grounded and focused on the bigger picture. Here’s your reminder that leaving yourself little notes and motivational quotes is not weird, it is cool and normal for human beings to need a little pep in our step. I especially like the smaller pads (like these: https://amzn.to/4lzagMs) for my desk because they don’t take up too much space, but are enough for a little reminder (the cute colors are a bonus too).

    A Lamp

    It doesn’t have to be on your desk, but a lamp is necessary. Your eyes aren’t meant to read in the dark. If you are working into the night (or until 4:00pm in December), you can’t depend on your computer screen to give you reading light. Your eyes deserve better. Whether it’s a reading light or a big floor lamp (like this one that I currently have: https://amzn.to/3JpMs06), a little light in your workspace is crucial for not just reading, but also staying awake.

    Lamps have also been my favorite home item recently to create a warm ambiance. I like not having any overhead lights on, and just having lamps and candles. It feels cozy and relaxing, even in the midst of a busy day/night. And an atmosphere with a good vibe is perfect to feeling like your most productive self.

    My workspace isn’t perfect yet either, but it has become one of my happy places. I hope you can transform yours into a happy place too.

    ‘Til next time.

  • August 15, 2025

    The Things I Stopped Apologizing for in My 20s

    Hi. If we haven’t met yet, nice to meet you. I’m a people pleaser.

    Glad we got that out of the way…

    It has taken me years to understand that I don’t need to constantly be apologizing for myself and my actions. Especially when I truly have nothing to apologize for. Don’t get me wrong… I still apologize too much. But I’m working on it.

    Back in college, I people-pleased so much that I ruined myself. Literally. I didn’t know who I was anymore because I was trying so hard to fit into a mold that I could only barely squeeze into. Eventually, I popped. Basically, I didn’t have typical college interests. I didn’t like to party all the time or obsess about boys or do my make up just for class. I liked to read or go for a walk or have a movie night with popcorn and treats. Usually, I would go to bed before 10:00 pm. Sometimes (a lot of times) earlier. My roommates, however, would often stay up past 3:00 am bingeing a TV show together and was disappointed in me that I wasn’t watching the show with them. It’s not that I didn’t want to watch the show or hang out with them, but I needed to go to sleep. That’s just that. This silly thing about me going to bed “early” was just one noodle in the pot so-to-speak. I was “different” in many ways. Now that I am years out of college, I have realized that I was never actually “different,” but I was in an environment where I was the “odd one out.” And that’s okay! Today, I thrive being the odd one out.

    Then I found myself in law school, on the school’s Law Review, and working my first “big girl job” as a law clerk. My people pleasing arose again, except this time with my inability to say “no.” I get a work call at 9:00 pm while I’m studying? I’ll take it. I get back-to-back projects that have deadlines I know I’ll be in a pinch to make? I’ll push through. I get asked by my school friends to do a study session when I know that I am a solo-study type of girl? I’ll go. I know that I chose this life: to go to school and to apply for the clubs and to work the extra hours, but it took me way too long to realize that I also had another choice to make… saying “no.” Not only has saying “no” allowed me to better prioritize my time and make sure that I am able to put in 100% effort rather than 78.5% effort, it has also made people respect me more. Weird, right? At work, I am now asked if I can take a project or a phone call. I am asked by my school friends if I am willing to do a shorter, structured study session rather than an all-day affair of us gossiping more than we study (although, those are some of my favorite days). Moral of the story is that saying “no” has made me be able to breathe above water, have more confidence in myself and my abilities, and gain respect in professional settings. I mean it’s only a two-letter word…. right?

    Now, here I am. The odd one out who says “no” all the time. Nah, just kidding. I say “yes” more than I say “no.” I still do things that don’t necessarily suit me and my needs because they suit someone else and their needs. That’s just who I am. But also, that’s just life. You can’t say “no” so many times that you never get invited to the study session again. You can’t say “no” so many times that you get fired. You can’t say “no” so many times that you end up just wasting away on the couch with no job, no friends, and no money. (I wouldn’t mind the whole lay on the couch with no job thing, though.) The point I am getting at is this: society is so caught up in “keeping your peace” and “saying no” and “if someone doesn’t like you, then f*** them” and that’s great to an extent, but it’s getting too far. You should still care about people liking you because you should care about being a decent human being. You should care about your job enough to do an extra project here or there to keep everything afloat. You should say “yes” to grabbing a cocktail with your friends if you are available. Life is too short to not say “yes.” But also, life is too short to not say “no.” Balance is key I guess.

    Aside from saying “no,” I also learned that I just needed to stop apologizing for the way that life changes. Everyone in their 20s is going through major change. Many people move across the country. Many people go through heart break. Many people start buying homes and finding the love of their lives and get married. Many people lose jobs. And get new ones. And then switch jobs. And then switch again. Life is going to life. We can’t keep apologizing to everyone around us (or to that one friend from high school who lives a half hour away with their parents and has a completely different life from you with a job you can’t relate to and a new community of friends you don’t connect with) for life just doing its thing. A good friend at my work says this: “You win some, but you lose most.” Ain’t that the truth. Especially when it comes to friendships in your 20s. Just because you live a half hour away from a good high school friend doesn’t mean you need to be forcing a friendship and hanging out every weekend like you used to back in 2013. We’re different now, and that’s okay. The way that we evolve in our 20s is something that no one or anything could possibly prepare you for. And yet, we get here, and we don’t give other people (or ourselves) enough grace. Life is life. It will life. And that’s just life. (Read that again).

    So, what exactly did I stop apologizing for in my 20s?

    Technically, nothing. But also, everything. (Life is just one big oxymoron at this point.)

    When I really thing about it, it wasn’t that I stopped apologizing for things, it was that I became comfortable in my own skin. I don’t mind that I’m the odd one out sometimes. I actually enjoy it and like that I’m “different” and quirky. I’m okay with missing a night out to the bars just to sit and read all night. I enjoy going to bed early and waking up early. I can say the word “no” now. (Just two letters). More importantly, I can say “no” without feeling a 24-hour hangover of guilt for it. I can also confidently say “yes” and believe in myself.

    Above all, I have learned that everyone in their 20s is also struggling, going through major changes, and don’t know who they are or who they want to be half the time. If you can find me someone in their 20s who believes they have it all figured out, please refer them to me (but odds are high that they’re just a narcissist). For that matter, if you find anyone, whether they are in their 30s, 50s, 70s, or 90s who believes they have it all figured out, then please tell them to write a book or something for the rest of us because I want what they’re having.

    ‘Til next time.

  • How to Recognize When You’re Burnt Out Before You Crash Out

    Burnout is a slow build. Just like how keeping emotions bottled up inside will inevitably reach a boiling point, so will our stress levels, drive, motivation, and all-around willingness to do pretty much anything. This has been something I’ve experienced recently –– all of it bottling up inside of me just waiting to explode. I think I did actually explode though… or at least a small eruption. So be better than me.

    Going through this recently has made me think: Why does burnout happen? Is there a way to avoid it? How do we know it’s coming? What, if any, are the steps to fixing burnout?

    And, lucky for you, I have none of those answers! (But who does? God?) What I do have is my own thoughts and experience, and from that, I have realized one of the keys for recognizing burnout before you crash out is spotting the warning signs. Our bodies are amazing things, and they will tell us when we are burning out. All we have to do is listen to it. Easy, right?

    Warning Sign #1: Always Being Tired

    Busy weeks come and go. Sometimes it feels like the busy weeks never end and you’re just a hamster on a wheel trying to make it to the next day. But, regardless of “being busy,” if you’re waking up after a full night’s sleep (meaning 7-8 hours of sleep) (probably also meaning with no alcohol or melatonin to get you to sleep either) and you are still tired… red flag.

    This was me just this past month. It felt like I would never get off the hamster wheel and I was exhausted all the time. I realized, however, that I am always busy – that’s just life ­– and I am usually one that keeps myself busy anyway. However, my exhaustion was interrupting my work ethic and my social behavior. I was walking into the office everyday looking sluggish and run down (to the point where people would say something which is NOT what any woman wants to hear). This clearly was a problem.

    Now that I have recognized I was getting burnt out, I can see that this exhaustion was my body’s way of telling me that I was running on empty for a little too long. I needed to change something and change something fast because a crash out was brewing.

    Warning Sign #2: Everything is Overwhelming

    This one is huge. Making dinner seems like too much work? Red flag. It takes energy to hang out with your partner/spouse? Red flag. Seeing friends for an event that has been on the calendar for 5 months seems like a task? Red flag. Going on a trip seemed like a lot of work? Red. Flag.

    That last one was the biggest red flag for me. This summer, I am traveling a lot – which I LOVE. I wouldn’t have made all the travel plans if I didn’t love it. And not all of it was extravagant travel – some was just a quick road trip to see family or a weekend with friends from college. But after a couple of these trips, I started to get really annoyed with traveling. Something that I used to treasure so much –– the feeling of seeing the sky from an airplane, being able to try different restaurants, or getting to swim in the ocean –– it was dulled in my mind by me being overwhelmed. Instead of thinking about fun plans for the trips, I was thinking about how I have to go to Target AGAIN to get more travel things AGAIN and then I have to do laundry AGAIN, and the list goes on. Not once was I thinking about my love for travel or how excited I was for the trip planned. One of my favorite things had become overwhelming. Not only a red flag, but also pretty sad.

    Warning Sign #3: Can’t Focus

    My job is basically reading a bunch of documents, editing a bunch of documents, and then drafting a bunch of documents. My eyes are locked on a screen 8 hours a day just staring at words like “resolved further,” “whereby the Plaintiff,” and “hereto.” (Someone really needs to modernize legal language because the Shakespeare talk is getting old.) My point in saying this is, yeah, somedays it’s more difficult to stay focused. It’s hard to draft documents with weird language every day and not get a little distracted from time to time. But this trouble of focus was different. I couldn’t even read a page out of a fictional book that I was reading for fun. My mind would go blank.

    Brain fog is real people. It’s your body’s sign that it needs rest, fuel and maybe some sunlight before it can recharge to full power again. Sometimes, this takes a long time to do. I still don’t feel like my brain is back to being fully recharged. Everything takes time I guess.

    Warning Sign #4: Your Body is Talking

    Headaches? Tension in your neck? Stomach issues? Yeah… sounds like stress to me! Sometimes this will happen, and you won’t understand because your body will speak before your mind does. It is that much more important to recognize that physical symptoms can be a sign of burnout so that you can attack it before it attacks you.

    The thing that happens to me is that my eye twitches. Only my left eye. I also get the headaches and tension, but when my left eye twitches… it’s bad news. I know it’s a mix of me not getting enough sleep, drinking too much caffeine, staring at a computer screen for too long, and not taking out my contacts when I should (but that’s a personal problem). The only nice thing about this (even though it’s not nice whatsoever) is that it is a true physical sign. My body legitimately tells me to slow down. To take a breath. To put the books down for a second. But how can we do that? The world keeps going even if you stop, so how can we possibly slow down?

    The Truth: Stepping Back is Better Than Wobbling Forward

    Once you recognize any of these early warning signs, you need to take action. You are a human being, not a robot, and you deserve a second to breathe. I am writing those exact words because I really need to hear them myself: “I am not a robot.” It’s really hard for me to give myself permission to slow down. I always think I can just do one more thing. Reality check: I can’t. Why? Because I will burn out and crash out all at the same time.

    Here are some things I have done to “step back” so I can regain my footing instead of wobbling forward with a couple blisters and a swollen ankle:

    1. Use a focus timer app. I have found this very useful to use so I can be signaled to take a break when I am working. My settings are so that every 25 minutes, my phone dings, and then after 5 minutes of a break, it will ding again to start working. In those 5 minutes, I get up. Maybe I stretch a little or change the laundry or unload the dishwasher, but at least it gets me up. Otherwise, I could be sitting at the computer for hours and not even recognize that I hadn’t taken a single break.
    2. Say “no.” Oof – this one’s difficult. I am a people-pleaser. You too? Yeah… not fun. We have to do it for ourselves though. Every “yes” you say is a trade with your own time and energy. Think about what you value. Think about what you prioritize. A lot of times, saying “no” will mean that you won’t show up crabby or half-ass the project or regret saying “yes” for the next week. Then, the next time you actually do say “yes,” you will be present, focused, more enjoyable to be around, and better aligned. Trust me.
    3. Get outside. Go for a walk. Those 5-minute breaks with the focus timer app are a perfect time to walk around the block or to just step outside and maybe water the flowers. You really do need to “touch grass” to feel better. The sun isn’t shining just for you to be inside all day.
    4. Use a planner and/or make to-do lists. Write down what you want to get done the night before. Make priorities. And when tomorrow comes, don’t do anything else until this list is complete. It will make you feel accomplished and energized. I make a to-do list every day, and I include things like “shower,” “wash hair,” “dishes,” etc. because it feels too damn good to cross things off a list.

    Burnout is easier to prevent than to recover from. If you fall off the hamster wheel, the wheel will eventually stop turning. You just have to stay on and slow down sometimes. “Slow down” doesn’t mean make excuses for everything, never show up again, and be lazy with work because your “body needs rest.” It means listening to your body, drinking a glass of water, writing a to-do list, and keeping up with your basic human needs.

    You are not a robot.

    ‘Til next time.

  • August 7, 2025

    Hi and welcome to Dear Violet – I am so glad you found your way here.

    Starting this blog has been on my “to-do” list for a little too long now… I kept thinking I needed everything to be perfect before launching –– a perfect niche, a perfect idea, a perfect plan. But I had a realization… nothing is perfect and everything is perfect all at the same time. At least that’s what we tell ourselves, right? So, here we are. Crossing one more thing off the “to-do” list.

    In all seriousness, I am really excited to be here and am hoping you are too. I know that it has become increasingly popular on the internet to have more casual posts and discussions. However, I don’t want to just be casual and fun, I want to be real and relatable. I hope you find as much peace in that as I do. No bullshit here, I promise.

    You’re probably thinking, “who the f*** are you?” Great question. Here is what I like to call “My Big 4” (the four things that pretty much sum up who I am at this time, on this day): I am in my 20s; I grew up in the Midwest; I am in law school; and I have no clue who I want to be, where I want to be, or what I want to be when I grow up. Can you relate? (I hope so.)

    One thing is for certain –– I love writing. I have stacks upon stacks of journals from all walks of my life so far. They start from when I was around ten (maybe younger considering it’s clear I couldn’t write or spell well) and have continued for over a decade. It brings me peace. Plain and simple. In a lot of these journals, I would “write books” (aka I would write a page of one idea, another page of a completely different story, and then never touch it again). On other pages, you might find to-do lists or recipes or workout routines or a daily journal or a gratitude list. The key is: I have always been a writer. I can safely say that it is the one true thing that I am passionate about. In college, I majored in Journalism, but I couldn’t decide where to go from there, so I ended up in law school. My young and naive self didn’t realize that being good at reading and writing did not mean that I was meant to go to law school… Am I interested in the law? Kind of. Do I find classes interesting? Kind of. Do I like reading and drafting documents all day as my job? Not really. Am I more interested in the social aspect of school and being able to have different colored highlighters and notebooks? Yes, yes, and yes.

    So that is how I ended up here.

    My intention for sharing my writing is two-fold: (1) to be a relatable voice in this crazy world, and (2) to share things in my life to (selfish, I know) help me figure myself out. I plan to post about anything and everything. I plan to be an ear and a hand. I plan to share journeys and tips and lessons from my own life to hopefully touch someone who needs to hear it.

    So, welcome and thank you. Pull up a chair and stay awhile.

    ‘Til tomorrow.